Timmy Johnston (the_untitled) wrote,
Timmy Johnston

A letter to a younger version of myself

Hey Tim,

Can I call you Timmy? I'm not sure if you'd take offense to this, not that you normally would, but you might be a little annoyed that the guy that is ten years older than you might have some condescending things to say, and I know what you can get like sometimes (you're probably more pissed off with that one, but get over it, I know you will).

The first thing I want to tell you is that you're still here, shocked? I know I am. But we did it! I went to the doctor not just the other month, and my blood pressure is good, I don't have cancer or anything like that, I'm not dying of anything at all. You look good, those visits to the gym have kept you at a good weight (but a few kilos heavier than you are now you anorexic fuck - snap out of it will you!) and you don't look bad naked. You do have to wear glasses now, who knew those headaches were coming from that (well mostly). You do have a couple of grey hairs coming through, and no you're still not coping with that very well, even after many years, but your wife insists it's no big deal.

Oh shit, yes, you're married, and she's amazing. I won't go into the details, as I don't want you to expect anything, and I really want to see the look on your face when you're shocked to realise that she really is 'the one', and you're shitting yourself on a hire bus up to a cable car in Christchurch, wondering if she's seen the ring through your jacket pocket or not. Trust me, its priceless! And to be honest, so is your marriage. Even when you wonder if it's 'worth it', I will tell you now, it is.

You'll be shocked to know that your raving days are not over. It'll be massive, trust me, and remember when you used to rock up in Sydney by yourself, you won't be doing that much anymore, you'll be right in the thick of it, high as a kite, and having the time of your life. But don't expect these things, timing is everything, timing is key, and we both know what you're like with timing, don't we?

Everybody loves you right now. C'mon, you can admit it to me. I've been where you've been, and trust me, I hold onto those memories really tight, even more to this day. Sometimes I lament those days, and they're what you hate right now. You really shouldn't complain too much though, honestly, you have nothing to kill yourself over, and yes I know that's fresh in your mind too. Just don't.

So now that we have that straight, I have to tell you the bad news. Friends will get fewer, and you wont be as loveable as you are now. Why? I think you know why. You're already angry at the world, you're just too pussy to admit it, you think there's something to gain from hiding your feelings from the world. You think that manners are the glue that holds the world together, and civility is what will ultimately get you through these tough times. Well, sorry to say my dear friend, they didn't. All those things you feared would happen, happened. The world is at war, sex rules the airwaves, and that reality TV concept that you hate so much, has choked every network, and there's no escape from it. The Internet didn't free the music industry, it just reduced it down to pop music, yes, everything!

You know this already, although I think you're still in shock about your friends. You see, the thing is, you started to grow a backbone, you started to fight back, and while I know you're thinking that this will be a disaster, it really wasn't. You're gonna piss off a lot of people, you're going to be inappropriate, rude, obnoxious, even violent. But don't worry, it won't be malevolent, and it wont be deliberate. But in spite of this, everything will work out. Because the lesson to learn is, there will be a time when you realise that being happy is more important than being right. I'm not sure when that will be, as I'm currently battling that concept, right here, right now. But I know it will.

Because you see, I'm currently going through a crisis of faith. I need some help trying to believe, and I know that while you're very angry and cynical with the world, you still have faith. In humanity, in music, in civility, and deep down, in yourself. So above all else I'm writing to you, in the hope that will understand, that despite all that you'll go through, all the memories that you'll cherish, all the moments that you will have, and all the drugs you will take, that the one thing to prevail will be your human spirit.

So in the end, all I ask from you, is not to lose that little child inside you. You know, the one that plans their day out loud in a room with no one in it, those stories that take forever to get to the point, those analogies that are so abstract that only a select few can even understand them, and those discussions that are so in depth that only one person in the entire room feels comfortable talking about, because fuck everybody else in the room, fuck convention and fuck the rules. Above all else hold onto that, because while lots of things will happen to you in the next ten years, there will be a day when you'll miss those things, and you'll wonder how to get them back.
So get them back.

Yours truly,
Timmy! 33

PS - You eventually grow a beard, and it looks awesome ;)
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